Alright, Max here is you Goddamn drunken blog entry. I'm not even going to proof it. That's how WILD I AM, Nutrag!
Tonight was another quest into the land of sexual futility. I say sexual because romance requires thought and effort. I dabbled in some adult beverages early on and alone. Desperate times call for plus size women or something along that line, I hear.
So my friend Brad said we were to join forces with hot women and well the rest would be best told in a locker room or fraternity house. Somehow those very hot and amazingly straight female softball women heard I was near and chose to not call Brad with there whereabouts. Another knotch in the bedpost only makes me look more rustic.
Ready to accept the cold shower of defeat I took off my shirt. My friend Sarah comes along and tells me that her fiance and her would pick me up to go to a bar, in Bowlingbrook. Within fifteen mintutes I drank more. I like to work the buzz from the moment I get there. Anyway, if none of you have been to the Rodeo drive of trailer trash called Bowlingbrook then let me tell you about it.
I went to this catchy sportsbar in search of miss right. I was flexible with just meeting miss negative std test result. Alas, neither were there. I have seen the bottom of shower sandals cleaner than the people there. Somehow the libido says "dude, what are you kidding me? Not even battery acid would sanitize that." There were some hot mommas there, chances are the sitter would appreciate them bringing back another person- job security.
What amazed me is the courage of the ugly people there. There were multiple obese people with horizontal stripes. HELLO! Did your father take a tumble off the wall before he could tell you about the ramifications of such a fashion? Am I the only one that thinks when obese people where horizontal stripes they look like a croquette ball? (Please send a comment to confirm me being alone or not)
Our waitress was the worse yet. I mean, shit, Denny's would tell her to go elsewhere. She was so bad that I didn't even consider her wanting to make out with me. She was busy dropping it like it was hot infront of the newest GED class.
As always, whenever I get together with my friend Sarah we talk about who from highschool we have seen. This one guy that showed up apparently dated a girl I graduated high school with. What I didn't know was that they split up two weeks prior after three years. Here is how the conversation went.
Me: Oh, so you and Jenny are broken up?
Chach: Yeah, we decided to take some time apart.
Me: Way to go man! Right before the holidays too, that's called a sound financial decision.
Dueche: Actually, I already spent some time shopping for her.
Me: Well that's what they make reciepts for.
Knob: (silently exits)
Whenever you feel down about your life, come to Bowlingbrook. A town so inept they would elect a stray cat as their mayor.