Saturday, November 06, 2004

_a_gm_n is My Anti-Drug

Besides alcohol, I have not partaken in any recreational narcotics. There are a number of reasons why I think that staying drug free is best for me. Not everyone falls into these catagories but I really think we are all one line or rock away from really understanding what Rob Lowe went through. I found the following inspire me to be drug-free.

1. Spelling. On average four or five times a week I question the spelling on words that I knew how to spell since I wore shoes with laces. Now, I spell these words correctly but I then begin to wonder if I mispelled the word. Recently I stared at the word horseshoe for about three minutes. I spelled it right but thought that it looked peculiar. Many people mix the i before e rule up, not many fumble on the o before e rule.

2. Pigment. I am already pale enough that anyother drug will only lead me to believe that my skin will become translucent. I leave that stuff to people like Kate Moss.

3. Led Zepplin. If I start doing drugs I will be have to call them the best band ever or loose my right to keep my shirt unbuttoned all day. Also, I have made it to the age of 23 with only wearing tie die three times in my life, I don't need that number to increase.

4. Funyons and Bit-o-honey. These snack foods are so nasty that even an etheopian would turn them down. These are staples at the top of the addicts food pyramid, of course with Sunny D to wash things down.

5. Rave Girls. Now besides Kate Hudson, never have I seen a beautiful girl with a guy with a chemical dependence. All the girls that do drugs are constantly asking for things like a ride, some money, more drugs, a reason to live, or a defibulator.

6. Showering. I like maintaining a high level of personal hygene. If I got into drugs there is a very good chance that I would be bathing with dryer sheets. Even if I managed to shower, I would prefer to not regain consciencousness when I am licking the tile walls in search of more acid.

7. Career Growth. I know that a lifestyle of drugs can shorten my lifespan with an abrupt death. The thought of dying before I am old enough to watch the reunion show for the OC scares me straight. Plus if I do drugs I can never pursue my political aspirations to become Mayor or President.

Thank you Nancy Regan. If it weren't for you and D.A.R.E. (Drugs Abuse Really Encouraged) I wouldn't be where I am.

No comments:

Post a Comment