Where have you gone credible news source? Put down the pina colada and leave the conga line at Club Med, for the journalistic farm system is submerged in five feet of bong water. I have been on sabatical from watching news programs for weeks and then I turn on the tv yesterday and this morning to descover some junior reporters have taken the helm of CNN and CBS's 60 Minutes. It is not a matter of how these people got the job, I am just concerned that no one is running the high school newspaper.
Mr. Dan Rather decided to use some unconfirmed information about President Bush's guard record ( I believe). Unconfirmed information is also known as allegations, rumors, or even urban legend. This all is just a cry for attention. Apparently no one was sitting next to 60 Minutes (or CBS for that matter) in the cafeteria so the leader of the blind mice went out on a limb and said that his dad could get Aerosmith at the Homecoming parade. Amazed, people listened and sat right down with Drather. It took only moments before the tell tale heart pounded through the hollow frame of CBS.
No matter what one's view is on this nation's political status this is the kick in the head we needed. There are numerous 24 hour news networks. 24 hours, think about the ramifications of errors. If CBS was a chief chef making the main course, no matter how good they are they will make mistakes. When the meat and potatoes are ruined you are left with nothing but a plate of garnishes and vegetables. Which is pretty much like being a vegan or something (and we all know how senseless that really is). That alone should scare us straight to be more diligent. Those people are a whole issue on their own to address.
I turned on the morning news to check highway travel times, the weather and who was in the wrong place at the wrong time last night. NBC has a portion of the newscast called "watercooler chat." Hey America, if you can't come up with your own mindless banter at work it's no wonder you can't talk to your children at home. I digress.
The segment was so rich that I had to actually sit down in anticipation of the anchor to end the piece with "GOTCHA! We're full of it." Not happening. Apparently CNN reports that some random national costume designer is reporting that the latex masks of G.W. Bush are selling more than John Kerry's. STOP THE PRESSES! This is not just news this is front page news. Of course W is selling better. Alfred E. Newman (cover of Mad Magazine) is much more cooler than a white california raison puppet reporting for duty.
It gets better. This costume store reports that the sales of the masks have predicted the outcome of the past five or so elections. The anchor rattles off the winners. Reagan over Dukakis. I am sure Dukakis's unprecidented level of political ineptness had nothing to do with the fact that he lost. They even mentioned the previous election of Bush v. Gore. Golly! I just didn't know the voting scandal in Florida was based on what the Golden Girls and several rafts of future MLB infielders wore for Halloween. Out of sight out of mind I suppose.
So when you register to vote don't forget to ask for your mask too. Like the future presidency, the mask will cause irritation, leave you gasping for fresh air, impair perception and of course lend deaf ears to what is really going on around you.