Monday, October 31, 2005

Up in the Rafters

This past Saturday I retired something very sacred. Upon the completion of the night I will never wear the Scooby-Doo costume again*. (Unless well I take it to say a D3 soccer game in WI for old time's sake). It was a magical night, I finally conned some friends to dress as the whole Scooby-Doo gang. The whole gang was there. Sweet.

Now there is something to be said for a 6'5" person adding another 6" in costume. For those that are unaware let me walk you through the moment. First off I was last to dress as all I needed was to dress slowly to avoid further tears on the seams. On with no problem. Then I go to zip up and my lankiness stretched the fabric taught and it popped the whole zipper off. The actual silver part! After immediate running to women to sew it up I fixed it on my own. Resourceful- I know.

I wear shorts over the costume for the inseam was meant for someone that maybe is 6'. Snugness is something you want in a sleeping bag not a contouring costume. To avoid any Scooby knuckle I put mesh shorts on with a hole cut for the tail. What is more interesting about these shorts is that I inadvertantly wore them once when I went for a run at the gym. To add insult this was the one time I had to use a treadmill in the front line.

Back to the party where I was ready to rock out to a cover band for the third time. Yes, I have now seen the same coverband three times in the same year. I don't know what is more sad, that fact or the fact that I plan on seeing them at least once more because frankly this band is so good. I dread that the band thinks my friend and I are gay for the band. They just have a good set list, minus the Styx.

So there was a handful of skanky schoolgirl outfits. And just like my Catholic highschool, none spoke to me. That's fine I am sure they have herpes or something like that. There was one trick that chose to dance for the crowd and when her pelvic thrust was in play you got the frontal skibby view. Tragically she was a black widow, the kind that do you and then probably rip your head off after.

I saw an older gal there looking at me about five different times. No lie. Just misconception. She was making eyes at her even older man that took her to the show. I am an idiot. If I am going to be a gigalo I really need to realize that demographic starts at 40. Even mid thirty year old women cling to their party past tough enough to really control the situation. I tend to get into the girl that looks past me too often, which makes for great comic viewing as long as you're not me.

Maybe beer tub girls are really lonely. These may be the girls for me. Working girl, hot, likes to coax money from me by calling me sweetie and complimenting me in ways that are clearly impacted by lighting. My friend thinks that every guy in the room hits on the girls. I think too many guys think that. If I ever near another relationship I certainly hope that it is with a very attractive girl like that so I can ask her all about the power of the ass pant.

Those are amazing aren't they? Just proves that keeping it simple says nothing about the limitations to the imagination.

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