Tuesday, October 18, 2005

All Fired Up (Not all Cubs Fans Just This One)

Never before have I directly responded to a comment. But this dumb pompous nameless chump signed my last entry about the best Chicago baseball team, not by bear sales, not by ticket sales, not by sorority members in the stands, nor by number of professional players that blame a fan for choking on the verge of greatness.

This will charge me up real easy. Here are the comments of this one cry baby that is probably frustrated that next year always is a year away.

"For all the above reasons stated in this blog I will forever remain a Cubs fan. Nothing written in the above even comes close to swaying me from my loyalities to the North Side." -None of us want a bandwagon hopper. However, once you realize the sinking ship your on, just say the magic words and the Cardinals will still be better than you.

The following 10 reasons make my convictions in support of the Cubs stronger, but this list is not meant to be exhaustive:

"1. My parents raised me correctly. " - Stupidity is genetic, anyone who can read knows that.

"2. My grandparents raised my parents correctly." - Chances are like the Cubs, your grandparents are at home confused on how they are there and not where they should be.

"3. I do not find women who could physically hurt me attractive." - You're a Cubs fan. We know you're a pussy. Anyone can beat you up.

"4. The mayor might be a no nonsense kind of guy, but the tax base of the greatest city in the world which allows him to be said guy live, work and play on the north side. " - That's white people you are talking about. Thanks for confirming how little respect "upper-class" gives minorities.

"5. Taking your life into your own hands to see a baseball game is not my style of fun. Even the police get hazard pay to go to the South Side." - Ok, there were more rapes in the past couple years on the NORTH SIDE. So put down the J.Crew catalog and read a goddamn paper.

"6. Blue collar and white collar fans (i.e. Bill Murray, Tobi Keith, God) cheer for the Cubs, while trailer-park trash (i.e. Kid Rock, Paris Hilton) cheer for the White Sox." - Bill is the only fan I would like to be with us. Any reference of Toby Keith makes you and your team more ignorant, right wing sensationalist, dueche bags. I could write all about how Toby is the downfall of all things civilized and self-respecting but I know to save that for a later time. God, God. Really God?! God is a Cubs fan? God loves sinners when they show remorse; not blame fans sitting out of bounds. If God is a Cubs fan then Wrigley is the purgatory that will never end in satisfaction.

"7. All of the Cubs players at least speak english. Most of the Sox fans don't speak any identifiable language at all." - Those are actual baseball terms and strategies. See we watch the games, not the collection of MILFs splurging on alimony.

"8. To be a Cubs fan you at least need an understanding of the game of baseball. Sox fans are still learning how to use rudimentary tools." - Chances are your house was built by a Sox fan, and chances are your interior decorations were planned by a Cubs fan. Side note. The true test is to ask a "Cubs Fan" to name 5 players on the team. I can't count the number of fans that could barely name 4.

"9. Cubs fans sell out Wrigley Field everyday and support their team through thick and thin. Sox fans can lay dormant for decades like cicadas or herpes." - Yes, Wrigley sells out. It's a beer garden. There is a saying about Sox ticket sales. Do you know why so few people go to Sox games? They're at work. A herpes reference from a Cubs fan? Seriously, to fit in I might as well do a gang shooting reference. Just remember you are what you eat, or lick.

"10. Cubs fans become laywers, doctors, architects, business leaders and pillars of the community. Soxs fans clean those pillars." - We clean those pillars since we built them. The mayor is THE leader and he is on our side. Being a Cubs fan in all honesty is a social move. It is not a traditional move by most in their life. You are a fan because you were told to be or you were a fan because you were trying to get into someone's pants and ran out of bars on Rush street.

I do think Wrigley is a great place to see a game. Too bad most don't go for that reason. I did not want to reply in such a tone since I like Chicago a lot and I have been to Windy City Classics and had a blast. This is a game that someone is crying that they lost. Never did I mention in my original post that we should shun the Cubs. I was treasuring the very ambiance that others mock.

The Sox our my team. You have every right to criticize them, but they already know that they aren't perfect. So good luck on that.The point here is amazing. We hate ourselves. Cubs fans are similar to Sox fans, we both consitantly suck. Every once and a while we win. It has been almost fifty years since this last happened and someone wants to debate the ethics and status of what fan should be able to piss farther. Whether a Cubs fan or a Sox fan; shut up. You are creating the worse kharma ever. Cubs have their scapegoats, Sox have the scandal. We still lost. WE STILL LOST. It had nothing to do with the what union they belong to, or what fraternity they pledged, or who allowed pink hats for the team to sell, a ball was not hit.

Your life has become more trivial than any stat on ESPN, any collector's item, or any autograph you have. Fans are not meant for the level of prominence as the team. They are meant to support the team to that prominence. You, sad as you are, alone with your corked bat, urine hand lotion, goat, fan interference, seventh inning distraction, crumbling stadium and legacy- did not win. The fundamentals, basics, "rudimentary skills" were void from daily participation.

It is as equally hard to lose as it is to win. By now I thought the Cubs fans would know this. But then again I am just an ignorant Sox fan.

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