Saturday, July 30, 2005

Another Post?! 2 in 1 Day SWEET!

What would deserve the pleasure of multiple postings in one day? Let me tell you. First thing first, sleeping to 11:30am got me all charged for the day. I slept so long that when I got out of bed I could actually feel how straightened my spine had become.

Prior to getting out of bed I did get a call at 8am. Yikes! This caused me to stretch in a feline manner. Low and behold that was not a bright idea. I have long been injured on multiple occiasions just by stretching in bed (those who know know the story). Now comes another injury. I stretched my calf muscle to the point I pulled it. I was in agony to the point I was caressing my leg while burrying my face in the pillow hoping for some intervention on this pain.

My new theory of wiggling my toes and slowly extending the leg worked. I returned to bed and slept for another three and a half hours. Phew!


The main reason for this entry is salsa. I went out with my buddies from work and we stopped off at her house. There were full out spread of snacks and beer. God do I love being in the adult world. No more of this BYO snacks. There was some of the best salsa ever. It was peach and pineapple salsa. Damn it was tasty. To the point I would have started to dip vegetables in that just to have an excuse for eating the salsa.

I then today made my trademark Gringo quesadillas. Grilled cheese that I dip in salsa. It wasn't peach and pineapple salsa, but it did just fine.


I am currently uploading my cuban music cd. It is only a matter of time that the young latinos respect the Alto. If you can't beat 'em, join ' blasting crazy music at 4am.

The Casting Couch

For any of those people who have gone to auditions and not made it, you may enjoy this inside look on the process. Not more than a month ago I was rejected from an audition and it set me back a bit. I thought I hit it well but I was wrong. I am not a hot girl. At least I know that it's not a skill factor here.

The thing is attractive women can get whatever they want in life as long as they plan smart and groom well; when and where necessary. I am involved in a production that had auditions last week. It was nice to see how these things go on the other side.

After watching a group with alright guys and some decent girls we had an all guy audition. No news from that. This is about the way women are cast. The first group had what we call healthy women. You know the ones that know the answer to the perenial question "what's for dinner?" But mind you still relatively talented.

Enter group three. Eleven people, four of which were women with noticeable beauty (typically unseen in comedy-note Janine Garofolo) Anyway, to make this story better I will change the names to protect us writers. There was this hot number Jackie that was there. Very talented, but I knew that as long as she didn't open her mouth and spit out F-bombs she was in. Why? I know the rest of the writers thought she was hot.

After the audition we got together to pick the six person cast. Three guys and three girls are needed. We knew one girl was hands down the best. Then our director said, "ok who stuck out from that last group?" In sequence without missing a beat three guy writes (self included) jump to say- "Jackie" "Jackie" "Jackie". I started to laugh when I looked at the one girl in our group who clued in quickly.

"You guys just want to f*$@ her." I reply "No." I couldn't muster anyother words of bullshit to make her frustration recess. The fact of the matter is that Jackie had a good audition. I have minimal attraction to her for a number of reasons. 1. I am sober while I write this. 2. She reminds me of one of my friends girlfriends 3. He hair is too long for my liking.

Casting is one of the best experiences that I could have ever witnessed. It's very much like job descriptions. We need this, that, more of another, and if you happen to be someone we would want to sleep with then that's a plus. Please bring headshot, resume, and hair clip to the audition.

I just hope all casting couches are scotchguarded.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

The Magical Love Bus

Well I do apologize for the delay in blogville. I was standing up in a wedding this past weekend. It was wonderful. As long as it's not my wedding I tend to approve. Tend is the keyword there. Anyway, the temp was hot and muggy. Perfect for formal wear to stick to the body like a wet t-shirt. (no this entry is not going that direction)

So after behaving ourselves for about an hour and change, we hit the trail all in the "party bus." Granted we were over maximum capacity, or just bigger in the rump than thought we all crammed in there. The driver had 4 teeth and a tie and short sleeve shirt.

The surprise there was while in the church mr. driver was hitting the sauce meant for the bridal party. Foul on two levels. 1. Don't drink other's booze. 2. Don't drive after that. This yahoo spent the majority of the trip to the reception driving all over and creating motion sickness to the passengers- not to mention he claimed to have cd with party music and it was Ace of Base and some other fine chart toppers.

We managed, we drank with caution, some ate with caution. Then we stopped to get more beer. Apparently within 30 minutes 18+ can drink about 2 drinks each. While at the local liquor shop the driver exchanges words with one of the patrons and then her husband tells the driver off. Set on being completely stupid the driver then almost fights this man. In a sign of frustration he kicks one of the groomsmen off the bus. What was seeming to be the message was that no one respects the bus driver. The groomsman exchanged some pleasantries and then got on the bus. Damn! Who's the punk now?

Upon arriving to the reception venue the driver bitched about us trashing the bus. I guess empty cans, bottles and some broken crackers were the last straw. He spent about five minutes whining about not getting a tip while he threw trash on the driveway of the site. He then was repremanded for the hundredth time that day and cleaned it up like the li'l bitch he was.

By no means am I saying bus drivers are jags like this guy. Afterall, I am rather confident he is no longer a bus driver. Our memories will last a lifetime. Which I am sure is longer than his unemployment will.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Divinity at Wholesale Prices!!!

Well today was my niece's Christianing. What a moment in her life that she knows nothing about. What I found delicious about it all was the way the church has gone Costco on the parish. I arrive in the parking lot to see others leaving their cars for the church. One, two, three unfamiliar faces surface. Maybe my sister made new friends I am unaware of. Not likely since marriage + kids = no more time for friends. But I digress.

These were other families having baptisms on that day. There were 11 kids and the priest called it a slow day. SLOW! Now if the padre was thinking he could double profits with having a sunset ceremony ontop of the matinee. Silly Catholics, always three generations behind the rest.

So as the onslaught of strangers come in for their equally impersonal service I was taken a back. There was someone there that I graduated high school with. She looked good, (she did gain the freshmen fifteen but looks like she kicked that.-good for her.) So we had the catch up face off. "

"So Mike, this is my fiance- blabidity Blah"
"Nice to meet you, congrats" (1pt Keri)
"What have you been up to Keri?"
"I teach, elementary school. And you?"
"I was out east for a bit, now I am working and I do comedy, stand up and movies and stuff."
"Cool." (1 pt Mike)

TOTAL SCORE - Mike 1 Keri 1
And that's how it ended, a dead tie. Sometimes there is not a clear winner. I am considering docking at least 1 pt for being attractive and engaged at her age. (Mike 1 Keri -1) (Hey it's my game/blog)

We left one hour later with God on our side and with intention of returning for the next wedding/funeral, or Christmas. Whatever comes first.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Rebel Without a Handsfree

Welcome to the wide world of huber-b.s. I was recently driving in the city and for some reason my car was quiet. Sure the music was louder than the passing airplane but there was something missing- my muffled ringtone of Cecilia coming from the cell phone.

No longer am I able to drive and talk on the phone. Probably for the best, now I have plenty of time to read my billboards and bumperstickers. There is a good 4 mile stretch that I know I look mainly at the signs compared to the 98 Grand Am slamming breaks in front of me.

So i was called last night while in the heart of the north side. I stared at the phone, a quick blur of tickets, officers, and pending insurance hikes. What did I do? Answered it. Damn straight! Take that over-protective city. Now I should mention that I am not all swagger. When I drove by officers while holding my cell phone (and in mid-conversation) I dropped in on my lap like a hot plate. The fun part was not telling the people every time I dropped it on my lap.

What takes the cake more than my rogue attitude is those that follow the law. I drove by some guy with a handsfree and he was holding the mic up to his mouth. How freaking effective is this law?

I look forward to the day where we pass an ordinance prohibiting absurd laws and or law makers. Never mind that'll never happen since we may hurt the morons' feelings.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Cleaning Crew

I cleaned the apartment last night. I was on top of it for the first time in a while. Mainly because I realized that I hit my dirty threshold. No longer did I want to walk on the well placed pizza crumb. For I have a Swiffer, with the mop covers. Pushing that around was very much like just pushing a wet paper towel. But this says Swiffer, and thus is now a cleaner apartment.

Cleaning is the best realization to how much harder you need to work. It is sort of the swim suit of housing. I tell you I had spent way too long ignoring the healthy habits of mopping and dusting.

After that I was so hopped up on initiative that I even made my lunch for the week and ironed for the week. Some of you wonder why do I mention this trivial info. Nothing is ever trivial, but often times boring as hell.

I did try to hop over the iron that was on, again the lack of vertical rise I have. I tripped, pulled the hot iron down, grazing my foot. Domestication does come at price. Whether it be dignity or layers of flesh is undetermined.

(I did go to a bachelor party but I can't disclose any of that for you women are better connected than we thought)

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Rules and Regulations

Alright so this past weekend was a blast but it came at the expense of some sanity. First of all I must give credit to all my friends who chose to come to the suburbs for a cookout. Granted a pool can typically generate friends out of the quietest of neighbors. I digress.

So upon returning to the barrio I get to dodge the onslaught of fireworks. Not a bad thing. Until I try to park my car and get another notch older than before. Whenever I have a "damn kids" moment I know that something bad is happening. I chose not to have them land their equally illegal fireworks on the ride.

Ok I like fireworks. A lot. They are great when done right. However when you start to see a quality anything you begin to realize that for every better removes more innocence. I care not about Neighborhood or even lakeside fireworks. I have seen Disney ones that in my opinion are the best. Why are they the best? Because some jamoke is not lighting them off until damn near midnight.

There is no tact with some people. They simply don't care. It's all about them and who cares what others would prefer. (Am I talking about myself or the fireworkers? You decide) Perhaps my favorite bit of 4th knowledge was that this was the last year for Chicago residents to use sparklers. Sparklers. Where else are kids going to learn about the relative speed metal conducts heat?

This rule bothers me. It is another case and point that we have some of the dumbest parents alive. There are some excellent ones out there. They are using pacifiers, tough love, and even the word no on occaision. Someday soon we won't be able to use knives in Chicago because some kid will hurt themself while mommy or daddy was busy setting the Tivo.

So now that some half wit can't stop watching the game on tv, or gabbing with their newly married friends, some kid who has attentive parents has to drag the kids to a park to watch the the spectacle in the sky. Meanwhile the gifted kids are all chewing on their shoelaces and making stupidity flow like Bud on the northside and the residential regulars are now trying so hard to ignore the social difference between no and know.

In moments when rules are made to excuse responsibility I thank God- for mortality. Someday it will all end.