Wednesday, December 22, 2004

A Non-Materialistic Wish List

During this holiday season I have decided to focus on the alleged true meaning of the holidays. Ok, Christmas. I really don't celebrate Hanakka or Chuananananakka or Kwanzzzzaaa or Quanza or whatever new fangled affirmative holiday America pretends can revive the economy. Back to me not supporting consumerism. It all comes so clear when you're ass broke that truly God can speak with you, mainly since no one really talks with the less fortunate since they just tend to ramble on.

Anywho, if you would like to be a sport and give a little to someone who can only give back equally with acts of kindness not gift cards, then consider the following wish list.

I wish for:

a Madden Championship (ok that's more on my own)
never to hear another version of The Little Drummer Boy
Jay Leno to say something funny on the Tonight Show
one Cub fan to say "ok maybe not this year"
another clip show on VH1
ESPN to stop trying reality tv shows
Linsay Lohen to stop covering up her freckles, yes I meant freckles
Paris Hilton to be on the next Apprentice
GAP to admit that GAP means Gay And Proud
motown to come back and pimp slap the morons that disgrace R&B
every scientific study to end with "are you scared yet?"
Mayor Daley to tell someone on camera to F#@$ off
Bill Murray to win an Oscar
Zach Braff too
molting to be a side-effect of tanning beds
Clay Aiken to stop wearing Argyle
people to use stereotypes for good (ex. way to save money for the future, that's mighty Jewish of you.)
Michael Stipe to get permanent laryngitus
people to not be surprised by weather
girls under 18 to put some clothes on
the Middle East to calm down so North Korea has a chance to ruin life
me to slam dunk once that's all really

Just a couple things Santa. Sure hope that it's not too short of notice.

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