Sunday, December 12, 2004

I Believe in Bob Vila

Growing up there is this great value for children to believe. Whether Santa, Jesus, Mohommad, there is a lesson that parents want their kids to experience. What if the main reason for religion is that we have faith that in our darkest moment there will be a glimmer of hope? What if our savior doesn't come? Who then do we choose to follow?

From the days on "Home Again with Bob Vila" I have saught for the answers to my questions of improvement. Who was this wonderful man that was renovating New England one colonial villa at a time? Long before the utility vest was made a Gap staple this bearded St. Home Improvement was showing America how to fix that dream house they'll never have.

Children will always have Santa (unless their Jewish and well that's not my fault.). No matter what direction you bow to give thanks, all adults can believe in Bob Vila. A man, amongst infomercial hosts. Or so I thought. "Home Again" is like "Law & Order" in the sense that I could sit down and watch about ten straight hours of programs without reservation.

I was in a conversation about how great Bob Vila is for society and someone called him a fraud. Aww heck no! I said. Say it ain't so Bob! Say it ain't so! We were talking about the one aspect of Bob that makes my nights restless. He seems to survey the work site without the slightest bit of home repair knowledge. His crew is always fielding his elementary inquiries. Once I saw him approach Rowly, his carpenter, that was marking his points on a board to be nailed.

Bob asked him "So, what are you doing there Rowly?" "Well Bob, I am marking the wood so I know where to drive the nail." Bob then shows his true knowledge. "Why do you want to do that?" Frustrated Rowly says "so I don't ruin the minimal supplies we have."

Vila then takes this moment of obvious events as an industrial awakening. He thrives in then covering his tracks by making it seem like he knew that all along. "Exactly. See Rowly has to follow every step since there is no step to be skipped." Moments like that make me amazed that someone that pontificates anally can actually be a spokesperson for a line of tools.

As inept as Bob Vila appears I still believed he was this moronic handyman. That vision was shattered quickly by some ironically pompus know-it-all. Some guy told me that Bob was just an actor. Just an actor? No way. Maybe he was acting to not know as much but certainly he was this icon that SEARS makes him to be.

Much to my chigrin, he is just an actor (I am going on that conversation, I never researched it). Just like when I realized the truth to Santa, my heart imploded. If there was no Santa, I took solace in Bob Vila. If there was no Bob Vila what's next? Is someone going to tell me that Joan Rivers really like to wear skorts from Marshalls? Will we find out that Jerry Springer is a muslim?

Please America, let some dreams live on. If not for me for the children. The children need to dream.

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