Saturday, May 14, 2005

Make it Stop

Well well well. Let me tell you about the most recent of my obsessions. The McDonald's dollar menu. In one weekend I ate 3 double cheeseburgers. THREE people. That's a lot. Since I normally have been a mcnugget guy. Now the mcnuggets are all upset since they aren't getting any love. Calm down mcnugs, everyone gets a turn. You had like I don't know about twenty plus years of dietary monopoly. Things change, people have phases but I know I will never stray from the beauty and deliciuousness of the sweet and sour sauce.


Last night I went out with some buddies and it was great. I grew a new nemesis, found solace in another, impressed myself, and even got free beer.

So I was to meet jj and steve with rob at some bar. Great no problem. I felt all sorts of prepared by having the cab co in my cell phone. I called them. Told them where I was and they told me that in about 5-20 minutes the cab shall arrive. Rob and I sit on the curb drinking our beer- yes we're that tough. I called the cab place again five minutes later. "I am calling to restate the legitamacy of my cab request." The disbatcher then tells me that "we don't service your area." I'll take bullshit for 200.

We walk to a busy intersection and as we walk there's a cab to that very company. For the rest of the night I cursed at any cab that was from that company.


So at the bar my theory was proven into social law. I wore a 1990's commemoration t- shirt for the demolition of Comiskey Park. Why? I knew that every guy there would be wearing a freaking button down shirt (striped or not). Was I right? Dead on. The evening dresscode now is a button down shirt, add stripes if you want to give the impression that you have an electric guitar or something else you don't use - like a gym membership.

Enter a shorter brown haired girl. Name ANdrea. I stress where the syllable is because there was an AnDREa there too. You broads need to realize your name is not ever unique. The crazy need to spell or correct pronunciation just lets us all know how high maintainence you are.

She was drawn to my t-shirt. Maybe it was the glow-in-the-dark feature, or the fact I was the only one that had just a t-shirt on. Anyway, she eventually tied a balloon to my belt loop- she wants me right? I know just another girl that gets smitten like a kitten to be near such a tall guy. I ripped it off my belt loop.

As the night ends there, this bald man keeps following her around. Why? Did he not see the balloon incident? Does he not understand the marking of one's territory. I was marked. Just on appearance I felt I was safe. About four or five free beers into it I walked up to her and asked "You're not really going to go home with that bald guy are you?" She then replies "That bald guy is my boyfriend." Do I apologize? Do I try and compliment my way to forgiveness? I said "Well, good luck with that." I then turned to my friends and said ok now it's time to go.

That sort of impecable timing is something you're born with, so don't try it if you don't have it.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous2:58 PM

    What do you expect, when you're trying to pick up girls at a bar. Mandy Moore? Doubtful.