Sunday, September 04, 2005

Putt Putt Down the Phone!

I just finished what may possibly be the best 18 holes of miniature golf. There are those folks that ask "do you golf?" I respond "yeah, miniature." I find that most men that ask if you golf finish the question while caressing their own pectorals. Many people may find the sport unmanly but I realize the purpose of the sport is to hit the most annoyingly small object as far as you can until you find a sunken solo cup. The only reason I see guys my age golfing is that they are being trained by their fathers to avoid their own spouses.

This great mini golf experience happened hours ago. Were you there? Maybe. As much as people diss the game it sure as hell is crowded. The match was a sea saw battle down to the 18th in which I choked/let my friend win. There were two real stories here.

1. The knob two groups ahead
2. Familiar Face

There was this guy I see at all mini golf places. He is there only to get "cute points" and redeem them in her parents drive way for a make out fest to the latest Snoop tune. By the time they were at hole 5 he was already dicking around and not even waiting for the ball to stop. His effort was no longer. Meanwhile I and a gagillion other people who WANT to play are waiting for his Hilfigger wearing, bitch blonde, K-Swiss punk ass to hit the damn ball in. Boy wonder if you need the alone time you should know to not come to a golf course of the miniature size.

My favorite moment of their night was when she was kicking his ass. Flat out. He sucked and was bad at keeping score. She jumped back "bitch that was 3!" He said no way, she then barked back claiming bullshit and marching off the hole. He was golfing like it was polo while talking on the cell phone. What dipshit talks on a cell phone during a date? That pompus guy that let's a girl call him bitch in public.

The other situation was not as climactic as the prior. I noticed a guy that resembled someone I went to highschool with. He was one year older and I could have sworn we left on good terms. I would have been ok with it had we not made eye contact. He was clearly on a date and I clearly wanted to say hi. I had to test the waters to see if I had the greenlight. I gave him the nod. It was returned with the head tilt that says "whah?" Phew almost made an ass of myself. No, no, no. That had to be him. I will never know, if only that trick that was with him was not there. Or at least if she wasn't in stilettos while mini golfing I would have felt welcome.

Who wears stilettos to go mini golfing? You girls need to start being practacle and stop thinking your Sarah Jessica Parker.

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