Saturday, July 30, 2005

The Casting Couch

For any of those people who have gone to auditions and not made it, you may enjoy this inside look on the process. Not more than a month ago I was rejected from an audition and it set me back a bit. I thought I hit it well but I was wrong. I am not a hot girl. At least I know that it's not a skill factor here.

The thing is attractive women can get whatever they want in life as long as they plan smart and groom well; when and where necessary. I am involved in a production that had auditions last week. It was nice to see how these things go on the other side.

After watching a group with alright guys and some decent girls we had an all guy audition. No news from that. This is about the way women are cast. The first group had what we call healthy women. You know the ones that know the answer to the perenial question "what's for dinner?" But mind you still relatively talented.

Enter group three. Eleven people, four of which were women with noticeable beauty (typically unseen in comedy-note Janine Garofolo) Anyway, to make this story better I will change the names to protect us writers. There was this hot number Jackie that was there. Very talented, but I knew that as long as she didn't open her mouth and spit out F-bombs she was in. Why? I know the rest of the writers thought she was hot.

After the audition we got together to pick the six person cast. Three guys and three girls are needed. We knew one girl was hands down the best. Then our director said, "ok who stuck out from that last group?" In sequence without missing a beat three guy writes (self included) jump to say- "Jackie" "Jackie" "Jackie". I started to laugh when I looked at the one girl in our group who clued in quickly.

"You guys just want to f*$@ her." I reply "No." I couldn't muster anyother words of bullshit to make her frustration recess. The fact of the matter is that Jackie had a good audition. I have minimal attraction to her for a number of reasons. 1. I am sober while I write this. 2. She reminds me of one of my friends girlfriends 3. He hair is too long for my liking.

Casting is one of the best experiences that I could have ever witnessed. It's very much like job descriptions. We need this, that, more of another, and if you happen to be someone we would want to sleep with then that's a plus. Please bring headshot, resume, and hair clip to the audition.

I just hope all casting couches are scotchguarded.

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