It's Not You, it's the Ungodly Bad Photo of You

Don't knock it until you try it they say. Well it has been tried and now I shall knock it down like the Berlin Wall of pretentious ideals. One of my work buddies told me that he has been dating someone for over a year. They met online. A storied love affair I am sure, Nothing short of Tom and Meg in the Emerald City.

Well upon the fascinating tale of his and the renewed blind hope for romance I figured it was my time. As I pioneered into the merky waters of online "dating" I began to realize how long and how cold the other side of the bed will be. Nothing could have prepared me for the deepest well of shovel faces and cat lovers.

No matter how genuine the profile is that one writes it is overshadowed with horrible cliche headlines like "jokester looking to be serious with right one." At that point I could actually feel my testicles retreating from any form of masculinity.

My brief tenure in this field did have two returns. One actually wrote in broken English. When looking for someone within 40 miles of my location apparently the RUSSIAN FEDERATION is right next door. The next girl was really sweet and showed interest in meeting and such but I probably screwed something up like leaving without even telling her I was. A regular casanova I know.

I decided that it really was in my best interest to fail, or be rejected in person so that my other friends can get some form of enjoyment out of it. Never selfish, always lame that's my mo.

No one mentions that if you try to leave that the service will offer you the program at a cheaper rate. I knew I had to stay strong when I was face to screen breaking up with my online relationship server. After choosing one of the staple reasons for departure, there is a box for an explanation. Never has my computer told me "...but I just don't get it. Things were going great."

For those who would never know how to break up with their online cattle match finder let me show you how it is done. The following is verbaitim what I wrote to them.

The ammount of time that I need to invest into starting a relationship is something that I prefer to do at my leisure and without the financial commitment tied to a clientel that I can't find compatible with myself. I tried this upon recommendation of a friend and am glad he found success here. Fortunately, I can cut my losses as a few hours and a full refund. Thanks for trying though.

That's right, full refund. Go ahead and try it just do what I do and back out within the 14-day trial period. There is always a loop hole in life, just not a looker.