Monday, January 03, 2005

If You Wondered Why I am Single...

This is it. No more excuses. We have one chance to conquer all goals this year. I am speaking to my fellow Roosters, according to the Chinese calendar. I fell like its the summer of George all over again. Hopefully this bodes better than that did. I made a list of 45 things to do this year and I just got one done. Three days in and I am already making my mark.

Granted these goals range from the superb to the dorky like beating Madden. As I have just become Superbowl Champs moments ago I take a moment to ponder how I got to where I now sit. Oh yeah, there were dark times. After training camp, Edgerrin James broke his ankle and was out 9 weeks. At one point we lost three straight games. Focus and poise carried us through and he became Superbowl MVP.

Like Abe Lincoln said, "whether you think you can or you can't, you're right." Sure it may seem a bit trivial to merge that life lesson to Madden video games, but lifes lessons come from the strangest places sometimes. I plan on going out on top and will not ever play another season of Madden myself unless I get a room mate that wants to play.


My new years went rather well. I got to hang out with my friends Brian and Brad. The beauty of our parties is that we know going into it that it very well may blow. Somehow, I had a great time drinking beer, eating cups of jello shots, and playing beer pong. No I am not in college anymore but still love doing that. What was mystical about the night was that there was not a damn bit of drama. I attribute that to all the women there being engaged or married.

Dear Young Attractive Women,

STOP GETTING ENGAGED. If you're that horny and equally afraid of std's then just be more selective with people and more liberal with toys. This infestation of attractive young women being abducted under the pretense of diamonds and lifelong happiness is just fowl.

I understand that it is vital to keep up with the Jones's but for the love of God slow it down. Trust me, someone will still want to have sex with you after you are thirty. Just not as many people.

If you do feel the urge to get married/engaged, please move to the suburbs. That is what they are for. There are too many of you married ladies running around the city while your husbands are still looking for parking.

Here is my last comment if you have been dating for a while. You MUST allow each of your boyfriends closest friends/brother to date one of your friends. Simply that will give you some breathing space. Plus we're all tired of sitting across the room while they wish for a guy to take them out. What's the worse thing that could happen? They will be thoroughly disappointed. Not like that wasn't going to happen. At least then you could laugh about it when all go out after the fling fizzles. Nothing like romantic futility to fossilize the conversation.

Finally, since there is equality choose one of the following and stick to it;
1. never paying for dinner
2. an engagement ring
3. that evasive orgasm
4. unconditional love

The choice is yours, as is the first round of drinks.

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