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Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Wednesday, August 07, 2013
SUV Driver Successfully Climbs "Bump in the Road"
As Mike expected, the German engineered luxury SUV ahead of him slowed nearly to a complete stop as they approached the treacherous 1.5 inch climb. "I suppose if I was a finely tuned German suspension, I'd like someone to cut me a little slack too." Mike said as he flipped through all his radio presets.
Once Maxwell had the space to move, he did what no other SUV owner has ever done while approaching uneven pavement. He hit the gas pedal, with relative force. Not teenage jackass cruising force, just I gotta get this pizza home warm force.
Mike associates his grace under fire with such unique road conditions to his seven MarioKart Star Cup Championships.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Monday, April 08, 2013
Friday, April 05, 2013
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Tuesday, December 04, 2012
Tuesday, November 06, 2012
Tuesday, October 09, 2012
Monday, September 17, 2012
Rumormill Week 4: Guess Who Guest List!
Nearly one month into the bliss known as wedding planning and we are getting things going. It seems there is a direct correlation between progress and parental stressers to "think of your guests." Compromise to make parents happy in the planning of a wedding seems to be as old fashioned as say the bride's family footing the bill. There's nothing more significant than the guest list. Well, open bar is the most important, then guest list.
I am excited that m'lady and I are on the same page. These events can get out of hand when parents decide they get to use their kid's wedding to restore balance to the force and invite a friend of theirs so they have to give a gift too. We don't care about that.
One simple rule has been agreed upon for the guest list. If in our 5 years together, we've not met someone, their not invited. Seems cold but it's either that or play a version of the hit 1980s board game of "Guess Who" parental friend style.
-Does your mom's friend have facial hair?
-No. (minus 4 people)
-Does your mom's friend know my last name?
-No. (minus 12 people)
-Has your mom's friend ever shown up to our annual day at the horse track?
-Yes. (minus 6 people)
-Does your mom's friend go to garage sales with her?
-Yes. (minus 1 person)
Ok, let's invite Rick!
I am excited that m'lady and I are on the same page. These events can get out of hand when parents decide they get to use their kid's wedding to restore balance to the force and invite a friend of theirs so they have to give a gift too. We don't care about that.
One simple rule has been agreed upon for the guest list. If in our 5 years together, we've not met someone, their not invited. Seems cold but it's either that or play a version of the hit 1980s board game of "Guess Who" parental friend style.
-Does your mom's friend have facial hair?
-No. (minus 4 people)
-Does your mom's friend know my last name?
-No. (minus 12 people)
-Has your mom's friend ever shown up to our annual day at the horse track?
-Yes. (minus 6 people)
-Does your mom's friend go to garage sales with her?
-Yes. (minus 1 person)
Ok, let's invite Rick!
Sunday, September 09, 2012
Rumormill Week 3: The Great Matrimony Montage
I think we just attended our last wedding before our own. That being said, wait there are still three magnets on the fridge of people dressed really nicely (and naturally staged I must say). Fact: m'lady has a spreadsheet. Well, sure we have a spreadsheet for our venue ideas. I don't know what we are going to do but I think when faced with uncertainty on getting to your goal do what Hollywood does...do a montage.
What's a Matrimony Montage?
A matrimony montage is a term I just made up (believe it or not) so fortunately, our parents can't tell us how to do it right, or within the guidelines of 'etiquette.' M'lady & I have been together for almost five years. In those five years we've been to so many weddings we're able to help our dry cleaner put on that much dreamed of addition to his home.
I have an idea. Let's take a piece of every wedding we've been to and make a save the date montage?! That's a great way to show
1. I can pay attention
2. I can finally use those Jordan almonds in my globe box.
3. What better way to tell everyone not only are we in love, but when you condense nearly five years of courtship into three minute video, even Ryan Gosling may cry from joy.
Why a Matrimony Montage?
* We're in the digital era people, hard copy reminders are good but I fear so many people will want a save-the-date magnet from us that it could interfere with the Earth's gravitational pull. Thus, to save humanity from a real-life Jerry Bruckheimer experience (with or without Liv Tyler) we go digital.
* Facebook. Sure, it's nice to post ring pics, status updates about planning or eating cake samples, but there is something that no one has wanted before our generation and Facebook is integral in accomplishing it-make your wedding go viral! Self importance, vanity, and the perpetual threat of just "one special day" year(s) out just isn't enough anymore. We can post and repost this montage of love and you can't avoid it. It'd be like those pictures you post of (well your kids but I guess they're adorable, don't think this is personal) never mind.
When a Matrimony Montage?
That I don't know. At this moment, you've given it more thought than m'lady (If my term of endearment is to have a presumed accent, then I choose one from the motherland!). Contract talks with half of the cast are still quite far a part on terms of agreement. That being said, I know the 50% of the cast that are already on board love this idea and hope their family and friends start asking m'lady on Facebook when they can expect the mother of all e-Harmony commercials.
What's a Matrimony Montage?
A matrimony montage is a term I just made up (believe it or not) so fortunately, our parents can't tell us how to do it right, or within the guidelines of 'etiquette.' M'lady & I have been together for almost five years. In those five years we've been to so many weddings we're able to help our dry cleaner put on that much dreamed of addition to his home.
I have an idea. Let's take a piece of every wedding we've been to and make a save the date montage?! That's a great way to show
1. I can pay attention
2. I can finally use those Jordan almonds in my globe box.
3. What better way to tell everyone not only are we in love, but when you condense nearly five years of courtship into three minute video, even Ryan Gosling may cry from joy.
Why a Matrimony Montage?
* We're in the digital era people, hard copy reminders are good but I fear so many people will want a save-the-date magnet from us that it could interfere with the Earth's gravitational pull. Thus, to save humanity from a real-life Jerry Bruckheimer experience (with or without Liv Tyler) we go digital.
* Facebook. Sure, it's nice to post ring pics, status updates about planning or eating cake samples, but there is something that no one has wanted before our generation and Facebook is integral in accomplishing it-make your wedding go viral! Self importance, vanity, and the perpetual threat of just "one special day" year(s) out just isn't enough anymore. We can post and repost this montage of love and you can't avoid it. It'd be like those pictures you post of (well your kids but I guess they're adorable, don't think this is personal) never mind.
When a Matrimony Montage?
That I don't know. At this moment, you've given it more thought than m'lady (If my term of endearment is to have a presumed accent, then I choose one from the motherland!). Contract talks with half of the cast are still quite far a part on terms of agreement. That being said, I know the 50% of the cast that are already on board love this idea and hope their family and friends start asking m'lady on Facebook when they can expect the mother of all e-Harmony commercials.
Wednesday, September 05, 2012
2 Weeks in: An Engagement in Review
Two weeks ago I decided to finally propose to my girlfriend. We have
been together nearly five years and people we on me to ask her more than
anyone trying to get Romney's tax returns. I can't really explain, nor could anyone before me explain how amazing it feels right now. Then again we are two weeks into the lovefest and no checks have been written. This is the highest concentration of dreaming two people can ever do.
I am hoping that within the engagement process, I can reduce the stress of planning by creating rumors to distract family and friends. Maybe we will consider these ideas, maybe we won't.
2. Let's register for some nice Egyptian cotton sheets, sandals and take it from there. Why should the bride be the only one in white?
3. The Isley Brothers deserve this. Perhaps the most famous toga moment in American history is because of their iconic song. Is it cliche at a wedding? Maybe but so is a lot of stuff (this blog is old, borrowed, new AND blue). It's my favorite song played at weddings why? It is the song that gives the old people their last hurrah on the dance floor and tells the next generation 'it's bout to get crazy (for white people) in here!
4. How else can we eliminate the nonsense of 'what do I wear?' for the guests. Hell, I bet that when you've been drinking for hours and are already wearing bedding, you'll find the beach a more welcoming destination than your hotel bed.
5. Weddings are often have this undertone of making the bride out to be a princess or a queen. That's absurd. Not only is this a slight to the groom, but it's inaccurate. Wearing togas embody the image of a bride and groom as Emperor and Empress. A princess rarely has the opportunity to make decisions for the masses. On the other hand, an empress or emperor, now that's their job...and they're pretty good at it too.
I am hoping that within the engagement process, I can reduce the stress of planning by creating rumors to distract family and friends. Maybe we will consider these ideas, maybe we won't.
Rumor 1: Beach Wedding...Toga Party Theme
1. I have only been to one toga party in my life and it was for some lame fraternity when I was a freshman. A Wisconsin toga party is what you'd imagine. Kids wearing bed sheets with tractors on them, or some nimrod using the fitted sheet.2. Let's register for some nice Egyptian cotton sheets, sandals and take it from there. Why should the bride be the only one in white?
3. The Isley Brothers deserve this. Perhaps the most famous toga moment in American history is because of their iconic song. Is it cliche at a wedding? Maybe but so is a lot of stuff (this blog is old, borrowed, new AND blue). It's my favorite song played at weddings why? It is the song that gives the old people their last hurrah on the dance floor and tells the next generation 'it's bout to get crazy (for white people) in here!
4. How else can we eliminate the nonsense of 'what do I wear?' for the guests. Hell, I bet that when you've been drinking for hours and are already wearing bedding, you'll find the beach a more welcoming destination than your hotel bed.
5. Weddings are often have this undertone of making the bride out to be a princess or a queen. That's absurd. Not only is this a slight to the groom, but it's inaccurate. Wearing togas embody the image of a bride and groom as Emperor and Empress. A princess rarely has the opportunity to make decisions for the masses. On the other hand, an empress or emperor, now that's their job...and they're pretty good at it too.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Chasing My Tail ep9: Badge of Irony
Here's my take on the recent stand by the Boy Scouts of America. I used to be a Cub Scout but never crossed into the Boy Scouts. (just an fyi)
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
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