Ready to Love Again


It has been quite some time since I have dabled in the romantic arts. Well, I am putting in my 2 week notice for driving the bitter bus and will be rejoining the pool with renewed hope. Some of you are either saying "as long as your sober I believe that." or "good for you, six months is a long enough sabatical." Regardless I have returned my heart to my first love- not pizza by the way.

I was laying on my bed while a rather loud storm was happening outside. Amazingly (perhaps a message from God) the Directv still was working. It was 11:30pm and with my heart on my sleave I turned on the WB to watch a "fresh" episode of "Summerland." That was battling against my 15th viewing this summer of Catch Me if You Can.

Perhaps you may not know the premise of Summerland. After watching about three episodes I still don't either. That is the beauty of WB programming. Aingst rules any other cohesive storyline. Why was I watcing a WB drama? Did I not learn love hurts from Dawson, Joey, Pacey, and Felicity (yes I watched it, but not when she got the haircut.)? The answer of course is yes, We all fall off the horse from time to time but if we never get ourselves back on it we are probably laying on a pile of horse apples. Love hurts but emmotionial solitary confinement stinks.

Enter my first love. Lori Laughlin.
The angel that first came into my life as Rebecca in Full House. This woman is a modern Aphrodite. In twenty years she aged like three years tops. Maybe there is a leap-year contingency involved, who knows. What I do know is that Lori is having the same difficulties as myself. (minus the nephew watching and other parental crap). Not a day goes by that I thank God for her relationship with John Stamos to only be fictitious. I would cry like a Cubs fan on October 1st if she was to have been actually associated (romantically/intimately) with the clean cut Carrot Top.

My Full House loyalty is evergreen. However, if I had to choose a future with Lori Laughlin or Jodi Sweeten (Stephanie Tanner) I would be at a loss. Where in the world is Jodi by the way? Everyone else in Full House has resurfaced in one facet of eating disorder or bit role for made for tv movies. I don't think it is naive to say that Jodi and I would hit it off but then again I have not seen how she is doing. Before you put me on the vain train, I just don't want a sweatpant sweetheart. She best be working hard to consistantly fit through a turnstile- without turning to the side.

That is why I must stick to my guns and declare my heart for Lori Laughlin. By chance Lori that you are indeed reading this (shut it Phil- we all have dreams) you are the female version of Dick Clark (ageless wonder), except hot and not balding. One question Lori- what is going on with the teeth? I understand whitening is the thing to do instead of brushing and flossing these days but when the scene fades to black your smile is so bright one would think you swallowed the moon. Tone it down please, a woman with such a golden complexion should not be smiling with teeth whiter than her wedding dress.

Alright, I guess this probably will not work out Lori. Your busy schedule and my eternal search for an uncancelled open mic in Chicago would not allow for much us time. Best of luch Lori, I will have to swallow my pride/5th of scotch and hit the aforementioned scene. Game on.