The Numbers Game

Somewhere somebody is counting on the trivial to make it all worth while. The life of staticians is one that I simply don't follow. They have the uncanny sense of insight. In a way they kind of are like welcomed psychics. How does somebody know that they should be recognizing the number of attempts one makes while there is a Kentucky blue grass beneath them?

My own conspiracy theory is that whenever the commentator to an event says "has _ consecutive conversions" I know there is a miss coming. For that I believe the game is fixed. There is a line of necessity for numbers. I see no sense in telling me stats that are not in the boxscore. When will I care how many times a player shoots threes after coming off whooping cough? Never.

We have run out of things to talk about because the true stats are tainted so now we look to the gym class stats that make heros look like gods and scrubs look like heros. The inflation of success is an issue all on its own. We have become so set on surpassing the past that we simply look for the quickest way to piss on the image of persaverance.

Sure there are some pure numbers being made right now. I honestly have eaten pizza for six straight days. The longest I have gone is thirteen. So this could happen but like a hitting streak let's not let the media taint my efforts with questions of scandals like an eating disorder or high cholesterol.

College was wonderful since we would go for either consecutive days, hours, or minutes of drinking and that judged our level of clout on campus* (*all clout was contigent upon class attendance and gpa).

Somewhere out there a numbers fiend is keeping tally of their office job. No one cares, but once there is the happy hour the statician reveals their power. The brute control over numbers and their necessity to link life to a random stat that will 97% of the time do one thing, kill the conversation. I wish there were some way to show appreciation to the statician for all their hard work. I guess I will just have to work on my blank stare and "Oh Really?!: