Monday, May 01, 2006

Bill of Hook Up Rights

Welcome to the world of hook up ettiquette. Now that Spring is back and we are trying to kick the sexual rust off on a couple of practice runs, (or in the baseball metaphor world- going to the cages) let's make sure we can agree to a hook up treaty.

This like our great constitution must be able to be ammended but at the same time we should have the Bill of Hook Up Rights that all people are entitled to until they break them and must be tried by a mass of pop culture tinted gossip lenses. So let's begin, shall we?

1. Freedom of STD's. Sorry you must be honest and not like the MLB's steriod policy. One and done. Plus it's not like we won't be suspicious of the chronic itching.

2. The right to bear birth control, and use it. Stop telling us it helps keep your face free of oil and whatever other crater formed on your face.

3. One may only sexile with consent of the 'xiled. (if there is no consent, best make sure the story is good the following day.)

4. It is unlawful for one to perform unreasonable search and seizure, afterall you're not there to read their 7th grade diary.

5. The right to not answer any self-incriminating questions (ex-talk, previous performance standards, etc.)

6. All last moment accusations/confessions are deferred to a rebuttal of wingmen/women in person or via cell phone. The next morning if needed.

7. Biting/scratching or whatever kinky junk floats your boat is acceptable once agreed upon, and above the waist.

8. Eliminating other potential hook ups because of relationship with one party is considered cruel and jealous (not unusual).

9. Negative rumors after the fact are disparaging and discouraged. Embarrassing moments are fair game.

10. Ex-sex is permitted, just remember dinner = dating.

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