Sunday, December 04, 2005

Stood Up and Loving Every Minute

Last night I was to meet up with the bar fly from two weeks ago after she hit a birthday party for a friend. Alas, she found other opportunities last night and flat out stood me up. Not a problem since I was leaning heavily on the plan of drinking with a friend of mine. However this will add to my reasons of why romance is a fluke to work in your favor. I did enjoy the lessons that she taught me in our brief faux half night stand.

1. I can pick up a girl in a bar, simply sit down talk so that she can't get a word in edgewise so that persistance and desperation summersault over eachother. Then if need be buy a drink for her.
2. The whole ettiquette of not making out in public only pertains to prudes, or people with something called restrain.
3. As easy as they enter, phone numbers can be erased in a cell phone.

Being stood up is great. I see it as a motivation for my next meeting of a woman. First, I will suspect her to be a shady, heartless person. Then I will realize that not all women are like that, and most of the women I base that on were probably on a three month long period. So again, that was my fault. Finally, when all seems to be working out and she stops talking about her family I will let her know of my romantic apprehension. Why? I was stood up recently. Sure that may be a red flag to a girl but most with a common sense of respect will side with the victim- me. Being stood up is the best pity card to play and really allows for us to talk about "what's really important."

Now, that being said I am not so sure any of it will work. See I have this aura to me when out in a bar. I send extra powerful vibes to women that say "I respect your desire for equality. So buy your own drink." I don't like to buy women drinks at bars. Homeless people will chat longer for half as much and at least with them you can already smell the disease they carry.

There are so many ways to find a woman attractive. I remember when I was with the aforementioned gal that night. Shortly after one of the pda's I stopped her passionately, looked her in the eyes and said "wait." She asked why and I looked at her feet. "I don't know if you're aware but the pointier a girl's shoes are the more high maintanence you are." She froze. "Thank God you are wearing round shoes." That is a theory I hold to be in route to being social law.

Fortunately for me I am coming into my own. I know that if I am going to a trendy bar or even a club it is because single women I am going with are wanting to go there and meet new guys. I am alright with the understanding that I am bar ugly. The odds that a girl leaves her place on the prowl for a guy that is pale and lanky with freckles too is absurd. That is why I am proclaiming myself to be house party hot. Give me a few beers, some three month old rap song and five minutes and I will have you somehow captivated. Chances are you are either engaged or dating but you still have that one girlfriend that needs to be dating before she is fully accepted into your circle.

Where is she? Over by the chips and salsa? Jackpot.

1 comment:

  1. omg. pathetically, and i mean this with lots of love, i have nothing better to do tonight than be on the internet wandering around. i am so completely hooked on all these blogs that i am highly entertained and this has been one of the best nights ive had in awhile...which sounds odd...and i have to say that im at my dad's and he's pretty amused that ive been laughing my ass off simply reading someone's "journal" for lack of a better word...i am obsessed with your stories and your views on The Life of Mike Maxwell..that is meant in a non-creepy way, of course. =p