Perfect Timing

Today I wake up in New Hampshire. The weather man predicted about one inch of snow and I am certain we got almost five. It was great except when we tried to leave the show and had to turn around on a hill before we slid back down.

Good show last night, my timing was very much on according to the guys and some new material hit even with a smaller crowd. After one improv segment I do that is more creepy/akward funny this woman hugged me instead of laughing. That alone was good enough for me. Our host there instead of t-shirts gave us fleece vests made by Columbia. Freaking sweet.

The rest of the week we have shows. Fortunately they are all within an hour of eachother more or less. Yesterday we were able to take Dunkin Donuts up on their discounted coffee offer and tomorrow hopefully as well for McD's. This isn't breaking news but we try our best to avoid wasting money on frivolous items as food so we can visit the disount dvd bin at whatever retail store we stop into look around.

Our hotel is right outside the baseball stadium for a minor league team. Right outside. My window looks onto right center field. It's a shame it's not spring right now.

I should go shower up now. I am in the hotel business center and well I am the only one that portrays and literally did just roll out of bed to get to this computer.

Good morning to all.

Calm Before the Storm...of Laughs

I awake in Baltimore on the courtesy couch of Joe's friends. This tour is great for bringing out the kindness people have and reiterating the network and support you have been told exists but never test.

We will take it easy in Baltimore, avoiding the rival gangs and under performing sports teams. Last night with the Oscars we bet. However we bet that if we lost a category we'd have to say something embarrassing in public. I am up on three sayings.

After today we will be heading further north all the way to New Hampshire. Then we will have shows through Saturday. I actually hear that the university that we are going to visit has a rule against wearing flip flops on campus. I find this very strange that the students agree to this being that the state motto of New Hampshire is "live free or die."

I Gave at the Field House

This morning we did a show at 7:00am. Let me repeat that 7:00am. No typo. Now it was for a great cause at the university but wow waking up at 4:45am on a Saturday made me feel a bit too Amish.

The show went well and then I napped a bit before hanging out at the nearby Pilot truck stop while calling my roommate back home. I think truck stops need to have more seats. You figure you have so many people that are locked away from communication the majority of their day. They come together at the coffee pot and can finally put a face with the call name from the c.b. Or maybe not.

Upon leaving the stop with a new memo pad and a couple new dvds of stand up performances (Jim Gaffigan for $10 is almost robery) I did something I knew was coming. I fell down the hill while talking on my cell phone. Almost as embarrassing as hitting a parked car with my bike (true) this was only slightly damaging to me since it only confirmed my pending need to do laundry immediately.

I did get to go to the hotel pool and new material derived from that. Then I returned to actually swim and well it was more of a Roman bath than a pool. The kicker was that it was such a small closed room that since they recently painted the heating ducts the aroma of chlorine was forged with drying paint. It's a shame esbestos wasn't available during construction.

Redbull witout Vodka?

Last night our show went really well. I happened to actually use a redbull for preshow instead of driving and it worked wonderfully. It was wierd. I was somewhat reiling from buscuits and gravy the day before and I needed to combat that intestinal horror with no other solution but a burrito. I can't help it people, sometimes as they say; fight fire with fire.

I was pleased overall with the show. Great venue, crowd, the material hit, and even the riffing with the audience. I'd like to think that this could be an ideal venue for us but there are more to do so we shall see.

Downtown Asheville NC is amazing. Apparently similar to Ann Arbor Michigan but without the floundering sports program. There is one flaw to the city. It is the one that the quant ones across America all have. The round-about. As individuals we all (yes all, deep down you can admit it) love to act with a British accent. So why not have a foolish icon of British transportation systems? Simple, it's a geometric yield sign. No one can remember the rules of right of way and either accidents or akward pauses are imminent.

I went to a "chicago hot dog" place today. It's always nice to be an unofficial auditor of the food. When someone claims that they know your world, you need not a certificate of authenticity, just the chip on your sholder will do. I eat hot dogs in a very unchicago manner. Plain. Seriously I do. Here they were serving Chicago style with pulled pork on top. Apparently they ran out of Wesson oil to dip it in.

We left town in hopes to drive up to the Biltmore estate. Those unaware, it's a huge mansion in the south, supposedly the oldest something or other and we should all be impressed. Well, it's impressive in the pamphlet. They charge $50 to go on tour to the house. Excuse me the White House is free and you want me to pay to walk through a house I can't sit in? No financially sound nor worth our effort.

Instead we stopped on the side of the highway in efforts to see if we could interest a wild goat in some donuts. The sight of me running scared the goat away. I have to work on my agility.

Country Roads

Yesterday was another banner day for road tripping. We stopped in PA to eat at the best place for BBQ out there. Hog Father was amazing. Hands down the best beef brisket sammich out there. The owner, Frank, was so nice he gave us a huge piece of carrot cake for free and drinks to boot. Note: free food is always a plus while on the road. Transfer of costs.

We then drove over to Joe's uncle's place. It was in the Appalacian Mountains. Way in the mountains. We arrived in the dark to get into their house after looking at the running creek and moonlit terrain. What should be noted on the terrain is the #3 rock on the creek. No this rock was not in the shape of the number 3. It was painted with a #3 in honor of who else? Dale Ernhardt.

As we tried to sleep actually before midnight, their dog that resembled Baxter from Anchorman, slept at my toes and cleaned herself for what seemed to be a world record. There is something to be said about getting slap happy but when you know that the sound of a disheveled dog cleaning it's special regions as though there was a hole jar of JIF involved. At what could have been the climax for this pooch, Ryan says "I think we should keep on driving." Also, the wood-burning stove lost it's charm at about 4:30am when the flames went out and well, I realized I wasn't a pilgrim.

The next morning I was privy to a country special. Authentic biscuits and gravy were served with pork chops. It was freaking amazing. Never could I have really understood why people have steak and eggs or pork chops with their breakfast. I now know. I then proceeded to put homemade CT strawberry jam on a biscuit and it was great. This really isn't a food column but the food in the past day has been phenomenal.

It was truly one of the best meals and stays I had on this trip. Lesson be learned, enjoy what you do... you only get one go around; which the government will tax the living daylights from you.

Difference of a Day

I found myself hanging out in rural CT and it was a blast. Never before could I have so much fun simply hanging out. Our hotel was definitely an interesting one. Upon entering the room/motel we were hit in the face with a backdraft of menthol cigarette vapors.

During my sleep after the show (which went very well) I rolled over to the other pillow on the bed. As I inhaled, it was about as closed to taking a drag from the cigarette as possible. It actually woke me up.

The next day we went into town and bought homemade applesauce and strawberry jam. It was quiet possibly the nicest town I have ever traveled. At one point I was waiting for some romcom star like Hugh Grant or Kate Hudson to pop out and ask if I knew what the weather was to be like.

While walking to the car we met the friendliest senior citizen. She just called out to us "do you have a shovel?" Joe followed with "I'm sorry we don't. Do you need us to shovel something for you." She said " I almost broke my neck walking on that snow there." I looked over and it was a sheet of ice. "Well let us know if you'll be long in the store and then we can carry you to your car." Joe said. "Oh, I don't want to be a burden." The woman explained. I justified with "no worries, we carry Ryan around all the time and you two are pretty much the same size."

Ryan doesn't like to be compared physically to elderly women. Just an fyi.

Later that day we checked in at a Sheraton and they have the worlds best beds ever. I slept for about ten hours. The only downside to that hotel was the league of travel pee wee hockey players running around turning the luxury hotel into the greatest venue for hotel tag. Too bad we are all about 20 years too old for that.

Day 1: Border Patrol aren't allowed to smile

In the past 12 hours I have been on the road. I woke up in Ryan's (one of the other comics) sister's house. Anytime I can get a bed I will consider it a successful night. We drove into Canada no problem. Who'd of thought their boarder patrol could be lax?

While in Canadia I didn't see any landmarks such as hockey players, syrup, or mountees. Stopping in Subway was a landmark disappointment. There was a couple apparently going in for a v-day luncheon. Ohh not to judge but subway may probably be a litmus test for how much he really cares. This girl at one point mentioned to her boy that he needed to buy her a drink too. Moments like this make me realize how women may not be high maintenance but actually just perpetuating the take it where you can get it methodology.

We pulled up to the US border and we again found a woman that apparently was not pleased with the collection of life choices she made. This border person barked at us to pretty much do anything she could with our passports. She quizzed us on where we are from like we would crumble under her authoritative tone. We all come from really mundane suburbs so it's not hard to forget that. At one point she was so drunk off her velcro badge when she asked "what's all in the van?" Joe said "t- shirts." I bit my tongue with laughter as I really wanted to cry out that we had something more exotic like migrant workers or a dead hooker...in one of the tour t-shirts.

Gotta run. More posting to come.

Book it!

It has come to my attention that I often times can benefit from an incentive program. About four years ago I began to read the book Catch 22. In fact that began when I was in the midst of Second City. Well the long and short of it is that in about three years or so I read just over a hundred pages. Until about a month ago I was bet to read this book before I go on tour. Was it possible to read over 350 pages in less than a month.

For sure. I was bet the pizza dinner of my choice. That may not be much to you folks but I come from a time where literacy was bribed with greasy suburban deliciousness. Book it and Pizza Hut were a part of my life for a long time. Getting into junior highschool was a sad day when I was informed the educational system now expected me to read instead of exchanging one book for one personal sized pizza.

Isn't that sad? Even in adulthood there is some form of Book It. Whenever you work or went to school the first bit of success was rewarded like you just remembered that you weren't wearing diapers? No matter where we are in life someone thinks that when we meet our expectations pizza is the way to acknowledge it. I love it when the bosses drop some pizza on the office for helping them beat the numbers. I wonder though, what do the brass of Pizza Hut do when they hit their numbers?


On a completely unrelated note, I bought a pre-viewed copy of Rocky Balboa for $4. This is an American tragedy.